


Food is served

by lavulin98



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bad Cooking, Comedy, Established Relationship, F/M, Fun, One Shot, kiliel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6256576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavulin98/pseuds/lavulin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli and Tauriel try to cook a simple meal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food is served

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. Here is a new fic. I got inspired by Lynati's headcanon from Tumblr. I hope you will like it!  
> Thanks to my beta reader!

Gentle morning light awoke Kili from dreamless sleep but as soon as his eyes opened a headache thrummed in his temple like an explosion going off. .. He gave up on falling back to rest when several attempts later only left him disgruntled. 

The Dwarven Prince instead touched the mattresses in search of his beloved, but found her spot empty. Groaning Kili stirred and tried to get up. It felt like a battle to even open his eyes and when he finally did and looked around, he found himself in an unfamiliar place. 

The room was cozy with simple wooden furniture and warmed by rays of light that entered through round, low hanging windows. 

This was certainly not his chamber in Erebor. Kili slipped from under the bed covers, stood and stretched; staggering slightly as he all of a sudden came over dizzy. A mirror stood against the opposite wall and he peered at his reflection, noting that his clothes were stained. He dearly prayed it was mead and not another substance of which it looked quite similar. 

Still confused as to where exactly he was, Kili walked to the window and peered outside. He was greeted by a clear blue sky and well maintained garden. The strong light made him cringe. He blinked, baffled, and stared at the scenery in front of him and then back at the room. Certainly this was not Erebor. 

The door opened and Kili turned to see his wife, Tauriel, bending her back to avoid hitting her head against the low frame as she entered. “You’ve finally awakened, love!” She greeted, warm smile still capable of making his heart flutter even after all these years.

She pressed a soft kiss to his lips which the Dwarven Prince returned with gusto, then he took hold of her hand.. 

“Where are we?” 

“Don’t you remember?” Tauriel grinned. “Well you drank yourself into oblivion so I suppose not. How many times do I have to tell you to- “

“There was a party?“ Kili interrupted, now even more confused than before. He threw  another look out the window.

“You silly head,” Tauriel laughed. “We attended Bilbo’s 111 th birthday party.“

Oh. _ Oh _ . Now  it all made so much more sense; from the low ceilings to the comely surroundings - there were in Hobbiton. “My head is killing me.” Kili groaned, as memories of merry singing and dancing came to mind. “How much did I drink?“ 

“I found you passed out at a table with Fili and a few hobbits scattered around. Very charming and befitting of the prince of Erebor!“

Kili laughed and hugged her, ever grateful to hear her usual wit of which he was so fond.. 

Tauriel gently carded her fingers through his dark curls and pressed a kiss atop them. “I’ll make you some soup for your headac-“

“Maybe we should ask the cook!” Kili hurried to suggest, privately recalling his wife’s questionable attempts from past experiences.

“We are on our own,  _ meleth _ .” Tauriel informed him. “Everyone is still asleep. It would be rude to wake them.”

Oh dear. Give them a bow or a dagger and they could take on an army, but put a pan in their hands and they would burn water. “You should rest until I prepare the food.” Tauriel said, running her hand through his beard. 

“No, oh no.” Kili said, determining that this was a very bad idea indeed. “You will need someone to help you put out the fire. I’m coming.”

“Hey now,” Tauriel cracked up. “I’m not that bad!”

“Oh but you are my love.” Kili chuckled, leaning up to kiss her. “Yet I love you all the same.”

* * *

 

Hand in hand husband and wife ambled into the kitchen. For Kili it was of perfect size but Tauriel was constantly bent as her height called for room the ceiling would not allow.

Kili drank a few glasses of water to ease the pounding in his head while Tauriel looked at the ingredients available. 

“Uhmm… and how are we going to make this… soup?” Asked the Dwarven Prince, setting his glass down on the counter.

“We will need boiling water and some vegetables.” Tauriel replied, finding and filling a pot and setting it on the cooking range. “But which veggies should we pick?“ 

She perused the many options and eventually chose carrots and onions. These she chopped and placed in the pot of water.

“I have had vegetable soup before and it did nothing for my headache then.” Kili recalled. “We definitely need to add something else.” He walked to the pantry and looked about. “Aha!” He snatched up a handful of herbs. “Like these!” 

 

“Are you sure?” Tauriel appeared doubtful. “ We don’t even know what those are.“

“These are herbs.” Kili declared. “And they make medicine from herbs, right. So it must be good for my headache!” 

“Those be no herbs I’ve ever before seen.” Tauriel muttered.

Kili ignored her and instead scoped the pantry again, assessing all the produce. He grabbed up potatoes, a giant root of ginger, two eggs and cabbage. 

You could never go wrong with such simple things right? 

He dumped them in the pot.

On his second cupboard raid the dwarf passed over a bag of dried fish that made him shudder; recalling once that his wife had attempted to acclimate him to elvish cuisine by feeding him raw fish. Elves enjoyed their food as fresh as possible and wouldn’t dare think of frying anything that would pass their lips.

This sort of thinking was beyond Kili for dwarves dearly loved all things fried, especially meat. Oh how strange his beloved was. Strange, beautiful, wonderful. 

He loved her so much. 

He returned with more ingredients that were truly of a questionable nature and put them all in the pot. Tauriel looked on, expression one of deep concern.

“I have never tasted soup with egg before.” She said. “Are you certain about all this?”

“Quite certain.” Kili replied cheerfully, dropping the cabbage in.

Tauriel wrinkled her nose. 

“That root looks dirty Kili, I’m not sure that-”

“You worry too much.” Kili interrupted. “Relax. Eggs go with everything and the cabbage is fresh. You like fresh don’t you, now you have it!”

The Dwarven Prince cracked the eggs into the soup mixture and stirred.

They let it cook for half an hour before they grew too hungry to wait any longer.  Kili poured the slop (for that is what it resembled) into bowls and they both took a sip at the same time. 

The ensuing events went something like this:

Kili spat his mouthful so far it sailed out the window.

Tauriel gasped like a caught fish and floundered. 

“How does bread and cheese sound, love?” Tauriel asked, looking a little ill.

“Heavenly.” Kili replied. 

They dumped the soup down the sink and sourced their back up meal, then sat near the windowsill and gazed out at the peaceful garden, fingers entwined as they ate and fed each other morsels. 

Later they would tell everyone their tale and the laughter amongst their friends was so strong it could have powered a windmill. 

The event then became forevermore known as: The Great Soup Disaster by Kili and Tauriel and would be told in jest many times over for many years to come. But of the laughter that always followed it, Tauriel and Kili’s always rang the loudest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
